under the full wolf moon

Hello, you.

It’s practically mid-January already. How is that even possible? Do you also feel like time is moving quickly? And are you secretly, like me, just fine with that right now? Or are you in a space where you feel warm and snuggly, quietly hibernating and patiently waiting as you soak in each day?

If you are there, I wish I could be there with you, dear friend. If you’re not, then welcome to the “struggling to return to work and routines club”. I’ll be the president for now - and everyone is welcome.

Seriously, though, this past week has been tough. I had every intention, as I shared with you last week, to slowly integrate the cozy-holiday vibes and the moving-into-January vibes. I imagined that each day would be a day filled with cross-over moments, where my cozy holiday cocoon melted slowly into soft, wintry days that quietly filled with my regular, everyday activities and responsibilities again. I imagined an opaque, gentle mist of winter coziness lifting tenderly, like a heavy fog from an early winter’s morning, revealing ever so slowly how things really are. Letting me ease back into life, still carrying some of those holiday memories and moods with me, as I carefully took my first steps into twenty twenty-five.

Alas, this past week felt like going from zero to one hundred overnight. There was no romantic mist or soft fog lifting. There was only my warm, slow, quiet, creative holiday cocoon one day and the rush of work and responsibilities, meetings and planning sessions, the next. It all happened so fast. And, also, I was suddenly back in the routine of never seeing daylight, as those few hours of daylight occur when I am hunkered down and right in the middle of the business of the day away at work.

And, then, there’s all of the collective shock that many of us are feeling after this week. One can’t help but recognize the contrast in character of former President Jimmy Carter who was honored and laid to rest this past Thursday, a humble man who lived what he believed and literally fought for justice with only his two hands and equal love for all people, and the President-elect Donald Trump, who was sentenced as a convicted felon on Friday. How has the United States fallen so far that a self-serving felon will be inaugurated as president (again) in just one week? How do we all in western society continually choose power and greed over selflessness and service?

Of course, there are also those completely devastating wildfires that broke out in Los Angeles, creating historic damage. The losses are unimaginable. And, this, on the heels of the horrifying hurricane in western North Carolina just a few months ago, causing record damage and over 100 deaths. Everywhere, all over the world, catastrophes and disasters. How can we not see that we are hurting Mother Earth? That we are hurting our home and even ourselves? How can we not react and change our ways? Me, included.

Needless to say, it was all so much this past week, all such a shock to my system. An unwelcome, way-too-quick, change of energy. And it all has left me wondering how I am to find balance when I am “tied to my work” for 8 hours a day and the world feels so dark and hopeless.

I love my work, and ultimately I have hope in humanity; but, right now, my soul, my body, my mind, all still want to hibernate. Everything within me this past week was screaming at me to slow down, be present, slow down. But, the more I sought slowness, the more it eluded me. The more it felt as if my days and nights were divided up into two different energies - that there was too much contrast in my life, instead of one steady stream of slow, rhythmic winter energy flowing as an undercurrent, grounding me in all I do.

To be honest, I actually did keep things as slow and cozy and energetically aligned as possible. I tried my hardest to tap into that deep flowing river of peace.

At work, I savored my coffee, gazing out the window, breathing deeply, all throughout the day. I continued to flip on the twinkle lights and keep candles burning in my room. I chose to switch off days when I would eat with my colleagues and days when I would eat by myself. I took a walk by the river at lunch one day. But, I still felt like I was only hopping in and out of the energy of winter, instead of following a slow, steady beat.

So, how do I navigate, how do I balance, how do I find my own winter rhythm during the rest January?

Winter and the full wolf moon

Right now, mid-January, we are in the middle of the lowest energy period of the year. So, it’s not strange that I’m feeling out of sync, to be honest. I seem to actually be feeling as if things can only be one thing or the other - soft and cozy, or busy and intense. If I can’t just be snuggly in my holiday cocoon, if I can’t truly hibernate, then why not just move on with things?

The truth is, we’ve passed midwinter and this is the part of winter that gets tough. This is when the wolves begin to feel their pangs of hunger. Perhaps that’s what I’m feeling. Perhaps I am connecting with my inner wild wolf. I’m longing for my hunger to be filled. Restless, pacing under the full wolf moon that rises tomorrow.

And, when I think about it, I am not meant for complete hibernation. Nor am I meant to just jump in and start running on auto-pilot trying to outrun winter. I am like the wolf. Hungry, seeking, hunting, searching. But, also determined to survive, taking care of myself and my pack.

In other words, it’s not either-or right now. It’s not either cozy hibernation or total surrender to the fast pace of survival in society. This is the season for both. For acceptance of the ways things are - cold, dark, difficult, busy. But, it is also the season for grounded grit. That means doubling down with determination to continue to care for myself and the ones I love, by staying rooted, remaining slow, and keeping present on the worries, joys, love, and pain of each day.

This is not meant to sound depressing, y’all, but empowering. The full moon invites me, invites us, to stand tall and howl. To howl out because we’re hungry and tired, but also to howl out to claim our power - that we are strong and determined. This is still winter, and this crossover period from the cozy warmth of December into the bright glimmers of hope in February, is brutal. It’s a mix of everything all at once. But, you know what? We can do this. I can do this.

Even though signs of weariness are already creeping in, there is still so much that winter has to offer. For one, the second half of winter tests my limits and my patience, but that is just the thing to show me exactly how strong and determined I am. The second half of winter also forces me, if I’m aware of it, to be aware of the lessons that I am learning as winter shifts and changes from week to week.

Right now, what I am learning is to embrace it all. If I am truly calling this season a season of crossing over, then I have to allow one thing to end and another thing to unfold. I have to be aware of and embrace the slow moments of winter coziness and care that are still ahead; but I also have to accept and embrace those moments of busy-ness and work, staying mindful and rooted through it all. That is how I let my life unfold with the seasons. The magic of it all is found in cross-over moments happening every single day.

For now, there is still time, in those cozy, wintry nights ahead, for dreaming and for learning those lessons of winter. So, whenever we find quiet moments alone or create an afternoon or evening or morning of solitude, we just might want to keep thinking about what kind of life we want to create this coming year. When we’re too tired and hungry from the day’s activities, we just might want to curl up, rest a while, and ask ourselves in the silence:

What are the things that excite me the most? What and who inspires me? What things can I leave behind when winter finally comes to a close? What seeds might I plant in the coming months? What am I seeking? What am I hungry for more of in my life?

The rhythms of the week ahead offer us a chance to sink back down into winter. But, to be honest with ourselves that it’s not the same winter that we had in December, or even early January. There are tough winter days ahead. But, we’ve got the strength and determination of a wolf. However, there are also still so many slow, beautiful moments and gifts that January winters bring. The light grows, the first snowdrops appear, some birds may begin to sing. There are tiny signs all month long that harken us to hold on, to keep believing, to remember that all things change and transform, and that spring will arrive again. These are the signs and the moments that fill our souls, giving us the strength and determination to fight on - like the wolf in winter.

So right now, under the full wolf moon, draw in a long, deep breath. Hold it for a moment and feel the space. Then, release it slowly, releasing all of your hunger, your struggles, your worries, your anger, your sadness, and anything that you do not need anymore. And now, in this empty space, before your next breath, know that you have the strength and determination and everything you need to make it through January. Stand tall and face the tough moments, and then relax so you can soak in the soft and gentle ones as well.

Let out one long, good, deep howl, my friend. Let winter know that you’re still here too.

xoxo. liz.