“I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.”
― Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol
Hello, dear one.
I’m feeling quite nostalgic as we move into the third week of December. Perhaps it’s the full moon overhead that is heightening my emotions and thoughts of Christmases past. Perhaps it’s the continually deepening and darkening days up here in Northern Europe that create an atmosphere for quiet moments of remembering. Perhaps it’s the coming celebration of the Winter Solstice that inspires me to reach back into ancient rituals of ancestors and loved ones long gone. Most likely it’s a combination of everything I’ve mentioned. Whatever the reason, though, the holiday season and the month of December offer us a chance to revisit old memories, stirring up old feelings of nostalgia, longing, gratitude, and inspiration.
So, hello again. And, welcome to the midway point of December. It’s hard to believe that we are only two weeks away from the end of this year and the beginning of the next one.
This morning, however, I am not thinking about the future and what is to come. This morning, as I sit in the dark at my dining table, under the full moon that is just outside my window to my life, Christmas tree twinkling, candles flickering, and hot coffee steaming, I am experiencing a moment of winter magic. I’m feeling so much right now. Remembering so many different Christmases, thinking about loved ones both near and far, and drawing on all of this as a way to ground myself in what can often be an emotional, stressful, chaotic time of the year.
But, right now, in this moment of winter magic, even as I am experiencing both grief and joy, I feel a deep sense of Christmas calm and peace.
The ghosts of Christmas past
While remembering can often be a difficult thing to do, because we either find ourselves grieving something that no longer is, or we find ourselves not wanting to bring up something painful from our past, I do believe that remembering is a necessary part of knowing who we are and who we are becoming.
This year is the second Christmas after my father passed away in October 2023. And, so far, this year is way more emotional than last year. I think I was still in shock last year. Everything was so new. I felt that my whole world had changed, but somehow survival was the main focus. This year, after spending a year adjusting to this new world without my father’s physical presence, I am grieving not only my father in a much deeper way, but also the knowledge that those Christmases I’ve known for so many years, are now over. Of course, the holidays have looked very different throughout my 50 years, but Christmases at my parents’ place will never be again. Everything is so different now. In fact, my mom doesn’t even live in the same place anymore. That chapter, those Christmases, are now over. And, that evokes a sense of deep grief within me.
But, it also brings a smile to my face and a twinkle in my eye, as I fondly remember all of our traditions - the Christmas Eve movie marathon, the cookies and milk left out for Santa (even as adults), our Christmas Day brunch, my mom’s cozy, warm, holiday decorating, my dad’s Hershey Bar pie, the stressful and hilarious “watching old home movies” afternoon. So many memories run through my mind. So many moments and traditions that have made me who I am and that I carry forward into my own holiday celebrations now. And, this year, I can feel my dad’s presence in it all.
Literally just a second ago, my wife brought out a singing stuffed Frosty the Snowman to me that had been packed away for years. Something that I had totally forgotten that we had. A gift that my mom sent to us one year, picked out by my dad, who absolutely loved singing stuffed animals. The true kid at heart the was for his whole life.
Why I’m feeling extra nostalgic this week
One weekend, just before December began, I sat down with some of my oracle cards (The Green Witch Oracle) and pulled a card for each week this month. I’ve used those cards as inspiration for what I’ve written about each week. I haven’t mentioned it to you before because it just didn’t feel like the right time. It didn’t feel necessary. My letters and podcasts have felt complete without talking about the card I had pulled for the week.
But, this week is different. This week’s card has very much affected and inspired how I am feeling and what I am focusing on as we move deep into December.
I pulled the “trunk card” for this week. You know, a tree trunk. And I immediately felt the message for this week rising from within. The trunk is the core of a tree. It is the stable, sturdy part that makes it possible for the roots to grow deep within the earth and the branches to grow upward, bearing fruit and leaves. The trunk holds it all together. The part that connects the roots and leaves, serving as the base of the entire tree. It is the vessel where water, nutrients, and energy flow back and forth from leaf to root and back again.
The trunk card this week invites us all to consider what grounds us so that we can grow and bloom, not only during the holiday season, but in all of life. Who are we way down in the core of our being? What beliefs and rituals (for the holidays and all through the year) do we hold dear? From where and from whom came these beliefs and rituals? How have they changed and transformed throughout the years as we have also grown and changed?
This week, we ask ourselves these questions.
What core parts of you are you? What are the stable, foundational traditions, beliefs, values, dreams, quirks that make you you? How do they, like the trunk of a tree, nourish you and keep you grounded? How do they inspire you to grow and reach to the sky?
The Long Nights Moon
Today is the last full moon of the year. It is known as the Cold Moon or Long Nights Moon, as it is the full moon just before the Winter Solstice. And, I think that it is the perfect opportunity to let the magic of winter inspire us to spend this coming week preparing for the Winter Solstice by spending these darkest of nights pondering who we are. These are nights for ghosts and memories. For ancestors and spirits. For rituals and magic. For exploring the core of who we are, who we have been, and what parts of us we might always carry with us.
Just yesterday, I sat on the sofa with a cup of hot coffee in my hands. It was still quite dark out, even though it was mid-morning. My love was still snuggled in bed. But, as usual, I was awake early. Just sitting in the silence, feeling as if I was the only one in the world awake.
Suddenly, a memory flashed across my mind. It was of me, holding coffee, in the dark of my parents’ home, only the Christmas tree lit. Every morning, I woke before the rest of the family. I put on the coffee, flipped on the Christmas tree, wrapped up in a blanket, grabbed my first cup of coffee, and headed out onto their porch to soak in the predawn air. A few moments to myself before the festivities of the day began.
Then, another memory flashed across my mind. It was me again. Aged 11 or so. Laying in bed at my grandparents’ home in Raleigh, NC. It is still dark out and I am waiting to hear the creaking of the hall floor as my grandma makes her way to the kitchen to get the coffee going. As soon as I hear her walk past my closed bedroom door, floor creaking, I slide out of bed and sleepily stumble down the hallway, making sure to step over the places where it creaks, so as to not wake anyone else. This predawn time is for me and my grandma only.
We didn’t do much during these early mornings together. She sipped on her coffee in her chair, watching the morning news. I sat on the sofa nearby, wrapped in a blanket, watching with her. It was just us for an hour or so. I don’t remember talking much, just being together. Soon, though, she’d rise and head to the kitchen to begin to prepare the morning’s breakfast before everyone else was up. I suppose her coffee mornings were her quiet times to herself before the responsibilities of the day began. I don’t think it was anything spiritual, but it was a sacred ritual. We never discussed it. I never asked anything about it, as she passed way long before I realized how important these mornings had been to me.
But, as I sat on my sofa yesterday morning, I realized that this was a core part of me. A core memory. But a core ritual as well. Coffee and early mornings in solitude. One that I have practiced for as long as I have been an adult. Just never realizing that it’s something that has been passed down to me through the years.
There’s something very grounding about spending this week with my memories and my ancestors. It feels like a sacred remembrance of some of the deepest roots that I have. Those roots sustain and nourish the core of who I am. They provide me with old wisdom of the past, making me strong and sturdy and stable. They inspire my core beliefs and guide me in which rituals I continue and which rituals I leave behind, as I grow and change throughout the years. These core practices help me discover even my own wisdom.
As my own branches and leaves appear, as I begin to blossom and bloom and become more and more of who I am, I create new traditions and rituals part of my tree trunk core as well.
The week of the Long Nights Full Moon and the Winter Solstice is upon us. We are deep into December now. I hope that this will be a week of remembering, releasing, and readying yourself for the arrival of the height of the festive season at the end of the week. For, as the solstice portal comes, so does the return of the sun’s power. The love and hope of Christmas follows. And, then the shift from one year to another arrives just after that.
If there is ever a week to ground ourselves and remember who we are, then this is it. Spend some moments with those core beliefs, traditions, and rituals that remind you of who you are and who you are becoming. I’ll be doing the same. And I’ll be in touch in a week - to celebrate and mark Yuletide and the solstice portal together.
For now, I turn on my festive playlist of classics that remind me of Christmases past and sit back to let memories freely come and go. I take another sip of piping hot coffee from my late grandma’s mug and smile.
Blessings of holiday nostalgia to you, my friend. xoxo. liz.
☀️ Sunrise/sunset times in Norrköping, Sweden (3rd week of December)
16 December - 8:41 / 15:00 (next Monday the sunset will be later!)
🌙 Sacred Days + Folk Festivals this week
15 December Full - Long Night Moon (Also known as the Cold Moon and the Moon before Yule)
21 December - Winter Solstice
22 December - Fourth Sunday in Advent
🎵 The playlist
Festive songs for the season that spark memories and give me a sense of grounding as I deepen my roots, honor my loved ones, and draw upon the wisdom that they have given me through the years.
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