Soothing comfort for those dark November days 🥀
Understanding the magic of November's melancholic energy
“Melancholy is the happiness of being sad.” - Victor Hugo
Hello, you. And welcome to November.
The earth is growing quiet. Misty, foggy days have rolled in and long, dark nights have returned. Spirits linger close. Fires and candles flicker in our homes. Warm, hearty, traditional food fills our bellies. We gather around the table and cross over into the cold, mystical season of winter.
A hush has fallen across the land as she begins her winter slumber. And I cannot escape the feeling of melancholy that November brings to my soul. It is both cozy and nostalgic, but also difficult and uncomfortable. Still, year after year, I yearn for this time of year. I have grown to love the quiet, soft, liminal days between October and December. It’s like a secret, hidden, magical space of nothingness. And, yet, filled with so much.
However, November is a misunderstood month, I believe. Now, let me say right off hand that I know that there are many who experience a true struggle with the darkness, so I am in no way trivializing anyone’s truth. If you find that you need professional help, please seek it. Seasonal affective disorder is a real thing. However, many simply find November empty, boring, unsettling, and unnecessary. Often it’s easier to just hop from the Halloween festivities and jump directly into Christmas. But, I find that if I do that, I miss so much depth and possibility that can be found in November’s mystery.
The energy of November is melancholic. In Sweden, as in many places in the northern hemisphere that experience four seasons, it’s easy to see melancholy in all of nature throughout the month. The fog, the mist, the darkness. The bare trees. The damp, earthy smell of fallen leaves. The gray skies and black nights.
Right now, I go to work in the dark and come home in the dark. And, with every day, from now until December 21, the hours of daylight fade. And the weather is just dreary and heavy.
However, there is a soft, soothing sadness that settles in me. A sense of hunkering down. It feels familiar and cozy. And I begin to understand that melancholy is simply a gentle, quiet, reflective mood. Even now, as I write to you, the skies are foggy and gray, the rain patters on my window. Inside, I have piping hot coffee and candles lit. The daylight is diffused and dark. It is a vibe. And I think to myself, this is the feeling of melancholy.
To be honest, I believe that, just like nature, I need November. I need the quiet, slow, soft, melancholic feeling of this month to balance out the bright, active energy of the lighter months. I need to follow the rhythms of the seasons and experience the cycle of life, as a reminder to not only live in the present, but as a way to bring meaning and hope to life. This is the time of the year that calls to me and invites me to just sit with the questions and the mysteries.
So, what to do with all of these melancholic, dreary November days and nights? What to do with all of the questions and mystery? What to do with the grief and sadness and nostalgia and coziness?
Well, I plan to just be with it all.
Spirits and ancestors
Coming right on the heels of Samhain/Halloween celebrations, November has this otherworldly feeling to it. There is a sense that spirits and ancestors remain close to us all throughout this hauntingly gray and dark month. But, it could just be that we are more open and aware. Perhaps the spirits and ancestors of the past are actually close by at all times. Perhaps remembering their lives, telling their stories around our tables and bonfires, and celebrating old traditions make us more available and receptive. Maybe that’s why I feel their presence just a wee bit more in November.
In any case, this month is a beautiful time to honor and remember those who have completed their cycle of life here on earth and have passed on to the other side, whatever that means to you.
I, for one, feel a deeper sense of grief, nostalgia, and melancholy that ever before after the passing of my dad just one short month ago. I ache. But, I also remember fondly. And I even find moments that I smile in remembrance.
Fires and food
As the weather turns cold and the sun sinks lower in the sky, we gather inside. Right now is the coziest time of the year. We light candles and tend to fires in our living spaces, mimicking the light and warmth of the sun. Around the tables and hearths of our home, we sit - sometimes alone, sometimes together. We engage in deep conversations and solitary reflections, warm and hearty food, and a mixture of laughter and tears and memories.
The fires and the food of November bring back fond memories of childhood for me. Mostly these memories are centered around the family-centered American tradition of Thanksgiving. Pumpkin pie, sweet potatoes, turkey and dressing. Gaaah. I love Thanksgiving food. Celebrating the holiday is a tradition I have continued even living in Sweden, with both friends and my wife’s family here. But, the spices and smells are things I love to fill my home with all month long. So, I try my best to set aside time to cook autumnal food or create cozy cocktails throughout November.
Nature walks and city wanderings
While most of my time is spent indoors in November, I do make my way outside to try to soak up the energy of of nature. I can literally feel how the earth has settled in for her winter’s rest. And, as I watch the last leaves fall from the branches, I am reminded that this truly is the season of slowing down and resting. The chilly, damp air, though, makes me feel somewhat alive. Or refreshed. Not really energetic, but present and aware. Does that make sense?
Living in the city, I love to also observe the quiet, dreary, dark hustle and bustle of November. Where I live in Sweden, it’s dark at 2:30 or so in the afternoon. We squeeze out only a few hours of daylight, as the sun rises about 9:30. But, folk are out and about, tending to their work and their errands. To make things more bearable, Sweden does a fabulous job of lighting up the cities a little bit extra in the winter months. And it makes all the difference. Plus, it adds a bit of magic to daily life.
The melancholy of November is a mood, an energy. One that, at first, feels sad and lonely. But, if we sit with it for just a bit, then we discover the spiritual gifts that it offers: Nature’s gentle reminder to slow down and turn inward. The quiet, invisible possibility that is born in the dark. The sweet nostalgia of Novembers past. The mystery of the presence of spirits and ancestors. The cozy, warm aesthetic of fires and food at home.
It is a month, I believe, that brings comfort and quiet and balance as we prepare and settle in for a long winter’s rest. We just have to let the darkness, the mist, the fog, the quiet, the grief, the sadness, and the unknown envelop us. And, in these melancholic days, somehow we will discover warmth and light and wisdom.
xoxo. liz.
“Fear not November’s challenge bold. We’ve books and friends, and hearths that never can grow cold. These make amends.” – Alexander L. Fraser
This is so beautifully written 🍂
You have encapsulated the month perfectly, so beautiful in its bleakness, thank you for writing xx