I think I'm growing weary of winter ⏳
How I sometimes struggle with living in rhythm with the seasons
Hello, you.
Sometimes living in rhythm with the seasons is hard. Right now, I am trying to not grow weary of winter. It is only mid-January. And there is much winter still ahead. Somehow, only two short weeks into the new year, I’ve grown tired of January already.
I’m not really yearning for summer or spring. Whatever it is, I am longing for something. Something that I can’t really put my finger on. And I am feeling a bit blah, if I am honest. The mystery and cozy melancholy of November is long gone. The magic and ritual of December, too. And, the anticipation, quietness, and gentleness of early January has also passed. Sadly, my first thought is that I do not want to not be here in the middle of this season. I’m done. With January, that it is. I feel like I am done with winter. But, of course, I know that winter is not done with me.
So, I must bare down and deepen my roots even more. I must reconnect with the beauty of the winter. This is still the season of hibernation and restoration. And my intuition whispers to me that my longing to run away from winter has nothing to do with the season, actually.
Instead, my longing for running it is really my need to feel steady and grounded and stable as the days slowly pass. I must also remember that, with every passing day, life, nature, energy, me, everything is changing, moving forward, unfolding, cycling. We are not stuck. I am not stuck.
If I stop and think a little bit longer, then I realize that I actually don’t feel stuck. In fact, it’s the opposite of that, I feel like things are too much, too fast, and too intense.
After a very calm, relaxing, balanced holiday season, this past week I felt as if I was jerked awake from a cozy, dreamy slumber. All at once, I felt like I was ripped from my slow, contemplative, simple holiday and thrown back into the daily grind of everyday life. I knew it was coming. I thought I was balanced and prepared. However, work was immediately intense and the days were long. Emotions surrounding my dad’s passing, my family’s grief, and how it all affects my everyday life rose quickly to the surface again. This is also a very tender time of year for my wife and me,as well, as it is the anniversary season of the loss of our baby. So, suddenly, this week, I felt (and feel) out of balance and uninspired and very emotional.
There is an underlying sadness deep in my soul. A restlessness that I thought was a desire to get out of winter, when in reality, it is a yearning for simplicity and quiet again.
Oh, no. Winter is definitely not done with me yet. And I am not done with winter either.
As I write to you, it becomes clear to me that this part of winter is exactly what I need. This part of winter is raw, rugged, stripped down, difficult, and exhausting. This is the time for grit. For baring down and plodding on. With discipline and routine and simplicity. With determined mindfulness and quiet resolve. There’s nothing left to do except to face it. But, that doesn’t mean that I can’t face it gently.
The world, society, seems to be moving on so quickly. Twenty twenty-four is well underway for most people. In order to move through this part of winter, however, I need more time to ease into everything. I need to keep things slow. I need to let January be January. And winter be winter. I think I’m feeling pulled in too many directions - the busyness at work, the pain of my emotions, and the pressure to “get on with things”.
I actually need the slow, wintry time of January to force me to be present. I need to let my roots continue to grow. I need to keep resting when I can. I need to practice moments of grounding meditation and reflection. I need to radiate and share the calm, quiet energy of winter in everything I do and with everyone I meet. I need to just stay present - and trust in each day as it comes.
So, I don’t think I am weary of winter. I think I’m weary of trying to be something I am not. Of trying to go too fast and move on too quickly. My weariness is a sign that I need to double down on winter’s energy and just sink into it. I need time and space to cry and feel and reflect and soak in wisdom.
Ultimately, this feeling of restlessness and weariness is a reminder that I am always where I am meant to be and that the cycle of life is always unfolding. I do not need to slow down or speed up. I just need to be. Right here, right now.
Wintering.
xoxo. liz.
Feel this read. It's been -45 for the last 3 days and I feel a sense of restlessness. Only to wake up today have a bath and go. Okay winer. You win. I've been sleeping tell 8am I'm normally a 5am gal. Winter is cool and I'm cool with winter. .... well.. I'm learning to be cool with it.
I’ve been feeling a little restless too. I don’t want to speed up but I’m getting a little bored of hibernation mode. I resonate with your words. Thank you 🙏🏻